Sometime in beginning of March 2000, Ah Mah had a stroke that precipitated the deterioration of her brain cells. This led to partial paralysis, especially of one side of her body which resulted in her not being able to enunciate her words, swallow properly, etc. She recovered somewhat but the deterioration of her aged body and brain went on relentlessly as shown by successive brain scans. Anyway, she finally succumbed to the inevitable on Monday 30th October, 2000 at the age of 86 at around 5.50 pm just after being fed.
Her passing away was very peaceful and without pain. According to those who have been near her during her last days, she was beginning to feel pain from being touched as her blood circulation wasn't what it used to be. We are very glad that she did not have to undergo the traumas and agonies, usually associated with impending termination of life. Grandpa (Ah Kong) expressed it for all of us that Ah Mah had indeed enjoyed a most fulfilling life and we should rejoice that she had more than her fair share of the biblical 'three score and ten' life expectancy.
The number of days reserved for the wake (lying in state from death to burial) was long by normal standards from Monday to Friday. But as events proved later, this was just right. The number of tributes and personal visits and flower wreaths was awe-inspiring. We estimated that the 60 gifts of flowers in all shapes and sizes would cost more than RM5,000-00.
Every night, there was a service conducted mostly in Chinese by Ah Mah's (Kluang Presbyterian) church except Tuesday night when the Agape Church congregation came to worship. The number of visitors was overwhelming every night. Tuti, the Indonesian maid was kept on her feet, boiling one pot of coffee after another. We even had a steamer to heat up "pows" for the visitors. The number of packets of kachang eaten was also quite phenomenal.
Aside : The service booklet of the Presbyterian Church used for all the services read "Order of service for burial of the dead" Do they bury any other kind? :-)
There were more than 600 people who came and left something for the 'white purse' (from the Chinese white gold, meaning a fund contributed by friends and relatives to help defray the cost of burial) and the total collection was in excess of RM30,000-00. We decided that as a matter of good form and in keeping with the mores of Chinese society in Kluang, to make some donations to the churches, the schools, and other welfare organisations, including clan associations.
Throughout all of Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday the weather was dry and a threatened shower on Thursday night did not materialise. Someone said, "Ah Mah is making sure you all have good weather"
The service on Friday morning at about 10.30 followed the distribution of the monetary gifts to the various bodies and a tribute by one Ah Mah’s grandsons. In his speech, he mentioned some of the things that we remember Ah Mah by. Her patchwork blankets which have travelled all over the world; her sambal; her meticulous packaging of angpows for each of the grandchildren and great-grandchildren for New Year and for the birthdays; her impartiality whether a descendant is "inside or outside" they are all equal in her eyes. Even in her death, she had left some money for all her brood. In accordance with her wishes that each is equal, we all got RM125-00 each.
I recall Ah Mah as one fantastic woman. She makes excellent sambal udang kering belacan and some of you might have sampled this when you visited me. She had a photographic memory and she know exactly how her children or grandchildren likes the sambal. She knows not to put sugar in our ration, extra garlic for this son, more sambal for that daughter, more udang kering for this granddaughter etc.
Ah Mah makes great blankets for all in the family. I have for years and years used her original creation. The single sized original that saw me through bachelorhood is now being used by Matthew. (Yes that sort of quality which sees decades of daily use). Even after her stroke she insisted in struggling to complete one more blanket for someone in the family. I doubt she finished it as she was by then so frail and uncoordinated that a simple task we all take for granted like threading a needle became a mammoth task and ordeal.
It is amazing how she communicates with Ah Kong (now 92 yrs old). We can all be yelling on top of our voices over the dinning table (as it always will be whenever I, the noisy and connoisseur of good food, visit) and Ah Mah will whisper something beneath all that din. Grandpa is the only one who can hear her and in his usual voice will make a reply. We will all be stumped as whatever Grandpa says to his beloved will definitely be out of the topic the rest of us are discussing. We may be talking about the coming wedding of a cousin when Ah Mah will whisper in Hokkien ...."Tomorrow I want to go to Muar for a few days". After a minute or so, Grandpa will suddenly say " Okay, make sure you bring enough clothes".
The flower wreaths required three lorries for transport to the Christian cemetery at the 4.5 m/s Jalan Batu Pahat (the one where certain Chinese characters are written by Ah Kong many years ago). In keeping with the time, the crypt is now a brick and cement affair and after a short service, the coffin was lowered, together with a solitary bouquet of orchids ...the only flowers to be buried with Ah Mah.
That Friday evening, the sky opened and it rained cats and dogs. Many of us interpreted this as the heavens weeping.
Towards the end of her life’s journey, Ah Mah suffered frustration and pain not being able to do all those things that she was used to and enjoyed doing. Toward the end the pain was written in her face and expression. But when she breath her last a peaceful look descended and she died peacefully with a hint of a smile knowing she is now safe in the arms of Jesus where there will be no more pain. She was prepared for this journey even booking her cemetery lot in the Kluang Christian cemetery and ordering her funeral clothes as early as 1985.
There is no need to feel sorrow for Ah Mah's relief from pain and indeed, it is time for a rich, fulfilled and rewarding life to pass on. She has left an enviable legacy. Even though poorly educated from the countryside (suar teng) of Batu Pahat, she had mothered a huge family; one which she had guided through to be useful members of society. Indeed, a Great Matriarch.
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